Quotes, Quotations and Sayings

The billiard table is better than the doctor.

See Jane. See Jane box. Jane is mad at her gardener, Bill. Bill said he would water her cactus but he forgot. Bad, Bill, bad! See the cactus die. Jane is sad. Bill is dead.

We are for aiding our allies by sharing some of our material blessings with those nations which share in our fundamental beliefs, but we are against doling out money government to government, creating bureaucracy, if not socialism, all over the world. We set out to help 19 countries. We are helping 107 We spent $146 billion. With that money, we bought a 2-million-dollar yacht for Haile Selassie. We bought dress suits for Greek undertakers, extra wives for Kenya government officials. We bought a thousand TV sets for a place where they have no electricity.

Nathan: "Professior Dember, you mind if I call you Bill?" Prof. Dember: "Yes

Oregon, n.: Eighty billion gallons of water with no place to go on Saturday night.

Concept, n.: Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than $25,000.

We would be happy not to do the billing ourselves.

The women who take husbands not out of love but out of greed, to get their bills paid, to get a fine house and clothes and jewels; the women who marry to get out of a tiresome job, or to get away from disagreeable relatives, or to avoid being called an old maid -- these are whores in everything but name. The only difference between them and my girls is that my girls gave a man his money's worth.

Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.

America has run the world for at least the past 50 years, and when you're at the top that long, you forget what it's like in the valley. There are 5+ billion people out there now who are willing to study harder, work harder for less money and be more industrious than we are. And we're linked to them by technology. With telecommunications, you can have your bookkeeping done in Madra, India, for less than it costs here. Today technology can replace whole new industries, so you have to stay flexible. To survive today, you have to be able to walk on quicksand and dance with electrons.

My attitude toward punctuation is that it ought to be as conventional as possible. The game of golf would lose a good deal if croquet mallets and billiard cues were allowed on the putting green. You ought to be able to show that you can do it a good deal better than anyone else with the regular tools before you have a license to bring in your own improvements.

Canada Bill Jone's Motto: It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. Supplement: A .44 magnum beats four aces.

The first rule of any technology used in a business is that automation applied to an efficient operation will magnify the efficiency. The second is that automation applied to an inefficient operation will magnify the inefficiency. Technology | Bill Gates

Your fortune stateth: Do something unusual today. Pay a bill.

Even Im not as smart as Einstein, as cool as Brad Pitt , as cute as Lee Hong Ki, as rich as Bill Gates . But I promise you I can love you more than anyone could ever does.

While Provolt and Shawn were on a midnight cruise of town... Manager of Bill's Super Value: "Okay, boys, what have you done with the turkeys?" After the manager had left: Provolt: "What did he think we did? Shove 'em up our shirts?

Billy: How long does the strobe effect last? Mark: What strobe effect? (The first time Billy succesfully tripped on acid, after having been staring into the naked face of a strobe light for the better part of an hour.)

Dad: Jane, can you explain to me why there is a $50 fine on your student account billed as "Roof Violation"? Jane: Well, Dad, I violated the roof.

At the workroom lunch table, my friend and co-worker Bill was eating a really boring-looking sandwich. Karla: "Bill, don't you have any condiments on your sandwich?" Bill (without a pause): "You mean, am I practicing 'safe eating'?

While driving down through downtown: Sonya: (Reading from a billboard) "Did you know that having a hobby greatly reduces stress?" Jeremy: (oblivious to the billboard) "Good thing I masturbate.

Sigmund Freud once said, 'What do women want?' The only thing I have learned in fifty-two years is that women want men to stop asking dumb questions like that.

Men and women approaching retirement age should be recycled for public service work, and their companies should foot the bill. We can no longer afford to scrap-pile people.

Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose. Success | Bill Gates quote

Any woman who has a career and a family automatically develops something in the way of two personalities, like two sides of a dollar bill, each different in design. ... Her problem is to keep one from draining the life from the other.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.

Procrastination is like a credit card it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

In the next year or so, my signature will appear on 60 billion of United States currency. More important to me, however, is the signature that appears on my life-the strong, proud, assertive handwriting of a loving father and mother.

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak she gave me a younger brother named Russel, who taught me what was meant by survival of the fittest.

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right.

There are various orders of beauty, causing men to make fools of themselves in various styles... but there is one order of beauty which seems made to turn the heads not only of men, but of all intelligent mammals, even of women. It is a beauty like that of kittens, or very small downy ducks making gentle rippling noises with their soft bills, or babies just beginning to toddle and to engage in conscious mischief --a beauty with which you can never be angry, but that you feel ready to crush for inability to comprehend the state of mind into which it throws you.

We are very happy with the versions of the bill that has been submitted in both the House and the Senate.

Too many people confine their exercise to jumping to conclusions, running up bills, stretching the truth, bending over backward, lying down on the job, sidestepping responsibility and pushing their luck.

It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf.

I used to think of all the billions of people in the world, and of all those people, how was I going to meet the right ones The right ones to be my friends, the right one to be my husband. Now I just believe you meet the people you're supposed to meet.

How you know you're a broke college student: 1. You come up short at Waffle House. 2. You have to go to an ATM before you can get a donut. 3. Gotta buy a Coke from the machine to get change for a dollar bill in order to do your laundry.

Hell, we spent $200 Billion to get a scared guy who needed a shave out of a fox-hole! And he may even die of prostate cancer before we even get a chance to try him, dammit!

If all the gold in the world were melted down into a solid cube it would be about the size of an eight room house. If a man got possession of all that gold -- billions of dollars worth -- he could not buy a friend, character, peace of mind, clear conscience or a sense of eternity.

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put 'Emily, I love you' on the back of the bill.

Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.

Dreading that climax of all human ills the inflammation of his weekly bills.

It is only by not paying one's bills that one can hope to live in the memory of the commercial classes.

I would be a billionaire if I was looking to be a selfish boss. That's not me.

A word to the wise isn't necessary, it is the stupid ones who need all the advice.

The agent never receipts his bill, puts his hat on and bows himself out. He stays around forever, not only for as long as you can write anything that anyone will buy, but as long as anyone will buy any portion of any right to anything that you ever did write. He just takes ten per cent of your life.

Character is formed in the stormy billows of the world.

Talents are best nurtured in solitude. Character is best formed in the stormy billows of the world.

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much.

Civil Rights: What black folks are given in the U.S. on the installment plan, as in civil-rights bills. Not to be confused with human rights, which are the dignity, stature, humanity, respect, and freedom belonging to all people by right of their birth.