Quotes, Quotations and Sayings

If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.

Sure, I'd be happy. I'd be very happy.

Where's the man could ease a heart, like a satin gown?

Hell's afloat in lover's tears.

Scratch a lover, and find a foe.

Drink, and dance and laugh and lie, love the reeling midnight through, for tomorrow we shall die! (But, alas, we never do.)

Parker's Law: Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

That woman speaks eight languages and can't say "no" in any of them.

How could they tell?;"Dorothy Parker, upon hearing that President Coolidge had died

Anybody who doesn't cut his speed at the sight of a police car is probably parked.

(Jeff F., Joe F., and Andy Z. are listening to Jesus Christ Superstar while parked in a field, after being awake for about 24 hours.) Mrs. B.: Jeff, you'll have to move your car Joe F. (looks straight at her and sings.): Ba da, ba da, ba da, ba da BA!

Enjoyed it! One more drink and I'd have been under the host.

I require three things in a man. He must be handsome, ruthless, and stupid.

Take care of the luxuries and the necessities will take care of themselves.

I don't care what anybody says about me as long as it isn't true.

M: "Scott got hit by a parked car again.

It is difficult to steer a parked car, so get moving.

I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true.

I love everything that's old: old friends, old times, old manners, old books, old wines; and, I believe, Dorothy, you'll own I have been pretty fond of an old wife.

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

Someday we'll look back on this moment and plow into a parked car.

Men seldom make passes At girls who wear glasses.

The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core. Scratch a lover and find a foe

It embarrasses me to think of all those years I was buying silk suits and alligator shoes that were hurting my feet; cars that I just parked, and the dust would just build up on them.

They sicken at the calm that know the storm.

I shall stay the way I am because I do not give a damn.

Art is a form of catharsis.

All those writers who write about their childhood! Gentle God, if I wrote about mine you wouldn't sit in the same room with me.

This book is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force.

The best way to keep children at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere and let the air out of the tires.

Why is it no one ever sent me yet one perfect limousine, do you suppose? Ah no, it's always just my luck to get one perfect rose.

Those who have mastered etiquette, who are entirely, impeccably right, would seem to arrive at a point of exquisite dullness.

Gratitude -- the meanest and most sniveling attribute in the world.

I can't talk about Hollywood. It was a horror to me when I was there and it's a horror to look back on. I can't imagine how I did it. When I got away from it I couldn't even refer to the place by name. ''Out there,'' I called it.

Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are.

Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch is, and it darts away.

You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think.

He [Robert Benchley] and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.

Good work, Mary. We all knew you had it in you.

It's not the tragedies that kill us, it's the messes.

Sorrow is tranquility remembered in emotion.

Razors pain you; rivers are damp; acids stain you; and drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful; you might as well live.

There's a helluva distance between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

The two most beautiful words in the English language are: ''Check Enclosed.''

Work is the province of cattle.

If you're going to write, don't pretend to write down. It's going to be the best you can do, and it's the fact that it's the best you can do that kills you.

If you want to know what god thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Check Enclosed

Excuse my dust

I am diagonally parked in a parallel universe