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Erma Bombeck quotes, quotations, sayings

There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, 'Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams.' Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there. These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, 'How good or how bad am I' That's where courage comes in.
Erma Bombeck
 1005    
Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
 1004    
If you can laugh at it, you can live with it.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
We've got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache' cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
Never accept a drink from a Urologist.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
Suppose that humans happen to be so constructed that they desire the opportunity for freely undertaken productive work. Suppose that they want to be free from the meddling of technocrats and commissars, bankers and tycoons, mad bombers who engage in psychological tests of will with peasants defending their homes, behavioral scientists who can't tell a pigeon from a poet, or anyone else who tries to wish freedom and dignity out of existence or beat them into oblivion.
Noam Chomsky
 1004    
I am not a glutton -- I am an explorer of food.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heaving breathing again.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ''Checkout Time is 18 years.''
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
I'm glad we've been bombed. It makes me feel I can look the East End in the face.
Queen's Mother Elizabeth
 1004    
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, ''I used everything you gave me.''.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
Housework can kill you if done right.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
The more bombers, the less room for doves of peace.
Nikita Khrushchev
 1004    
Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
... it's simply wrong to always order kids to stop that fighting. There are times when one child is simply defending his rights and damned well should be fighting.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
It is fast approaching the point where I don't want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
If a man watches three football games in a row he should be declared legally dead.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
When humor goes, there goes civilization.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid straggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory an empty gin bottle.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
I told you I was sick.
Erma Bombeck, on her tombstone
 1004    
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
Erma Bombeck
 1004    
I have seen men fly bombers with their faces half- blown away. You're going to allow a few algebra formulas to ground you
Robin Green
 1004    
Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining
George Wallace
 1004    
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
Erma Bombeck
 1003    


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