Quotes, Quotations and Sayings

There are people who put their dreams in a little box and say, 'Yes, I've got dreams, of course I've got dreams.' Then they put the box away and bring it out once in awhile to look in it, and yep, they're still there. These are great dreams, but they never even get out of the box. It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, 'How good or how bad am I' That's where courage comes in.

Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

If you can laugh at it, you can live with it.

People are always asking couples whose marriage has endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

We've got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don't know how it was before, so they think, this isn't too bad. We're working. We have our attache' cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don't realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one Helen Keller is the other.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

Never accept a drink from a Urologist.

Suppose that humans happen to be so constructed that they desire the opportunity for freely undertaken productive work. Suppose that they want to be free from the meddling of technocrats and commissars, bankers and tycoons, mad bombers who engage in psychological tests of will with peasants defending their homes, behavioral scientists who can't tell a pigeon from a poet, or anyone else who tries to wish freedom and dignity out of existence or beat them into oblivion.

I am not a glutton -- I am an explorer of food.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heaving breathing again.

You hear a lot of dialogue on the death of the American family. Families aren't dying. They're merging into big conglomerates.

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ''Checkout Time is 18 years.''

I'm glad we've been bombed. It makes me feel I can look the East End in the face.

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, ''I used everything you gave me.''.

Housework can kill you if done right.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

Limousines used to be reserved for the ruling class, or, on special occasions, for the working class. Today, limousines are like taxicabs with the door handles still intact.

The more bombers, the less room for doves of peace.

Anybody who watches three games of football in a row should be declared brain dead.

... it's simply wrong to always order kids to stop that fighting. There are times when one child is simply defending his rights and damned well should be fighting.

Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.

It is fast approaching the point where I don't want to elect anyone stupid enough to want the job.

If a man watches three football games in a row he should be declared legally dead.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

A child develops individuality long before he develops taste. I have seen my kid straggle into the kitchen in the morning with outfits that need only one accessory an empty gin bottle.

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

I told you I was sick.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

I have seen men fly bombers with their faces half- blown away. You're going to allow a few algebra formulas to ground you

Why does the Air Force need expensive new bombers Have the people we've been bombing over the years been complaining

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.