Quotes, Quotations and Sayings

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and your friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming.

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ...

It's funny that pirates were always going around searching for treasure, and they never realized that the real treasure was the fond memories they were creating.

Jokes are funny.

What's so funny?

Thanks funny site

Funny is an attitude.

Funny-peculiar or funny-ha-ha

Why is it called a funny bone when it hurts so much?

Isn't it sad how some people can't be funny, so they have to settle for being obnoxious?

It's funny how motivation and inspiration can be drawn from the strangest of places and situations, but boy, if feels damn good.

A rich man's joke is always funny.

When I go to college, I want to be a party girl. I don't want to get drunk to where I don't know what I am doing, just enough to make me walk funny.

We live on the planet of the Apes. Is that funny, or serious?;"Robert Anton Wilson

If you can't be funny, be interesting.

Any discussion of the problems of being funny in America will not make sense unless we substitute the word wit for humor. Humor inspires sympathetic good-natured laughter and is favored by the ''healing-power'' gang. Wit goes for the jugular, not the jocular, and it's the opposite of football; instead of building character, it tears it down.

Hey guys... look at me... I smell funny!

A little girl can be sweeter (and badder) oftener than anyone else in the world. She can jitter around, and stomp, and make funny noises that frazzle your nerves, yet just when you open your mouth she stands there demure with that special look in her eyes. A girl is Innocence playing in the mud, Beauty standing on its head, and Motherhood dragging a doll by the foot.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

When humor can be made to alternate with melancholy, one has a success, but when the same things are funny and melancholic at the same time, it's just wonderful.

Don't laugh, it's not funny it's hysterical!

Rusty You look down, they know you're lying and up, they know you don't know the truth. Don't use seven words when four will do. Don't shift your weight, look always at your mark but don't stare, be specific but not memorable, be funny but don't make him laugh. He's got to like you then forget you the moment you've left his side.

I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes Hey, better try the emergency brake

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

Life was a funny thing that occured on the way to the grave.

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying then without money?;"Ogden Nash

We challenge each other to be funnier and smarter.

Only man has dignity; only man, therefore, can be funny.

That's the funniest thing I've ever seen!.....almost.

A squeegee by any other name wouldn't sound as funny.

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.

Your fortune stateth: You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.

It's funny, isn't it? How your best friend can just blow up like that?

It's funny how certain people don't want anything to do with you until they need you.

I have something funny to say, if we're done with this.

If I didn't have a sense of humor, I wouldn't be very funny!

(16-year-old reaches across her father's plate to get gravy...) Father: "You have a tounge, don't you?" (3-year-old starts giggling) Father: "What's so funny?" 3-year-old: "Daddy, she can't reach it with her tongue.

Trying to call my friend John after he got home from military school: "Is John there??" "Who the hell is this!!! You think this is funny?? Don't ever call back, you little punk!!!" Apparently john's old number was now Papa John's Pizza. Oops.

You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things.

A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

Life was a funny thing that happened to me on the way to the grave.

Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier.

The funny thing about driving your car off a cliff, I bet you're still hitting those brakes.

I wonder if they looked at me funny because I made that gross noise, or if it was because I'm a car.

Funny how just when you think life can't possibly get any worse it suddenly does.

It is funny the two things most men are proudest of is the thing that any man can do and doing does in the same way, that is being drunk and being the father of their son.

I guess one of the funniest memories of my grandfather was the time I was at his house and that tied-up man with the gag in his mouth came hopping out of the closet and started yelling that HE was really my grandfather and the other guy was an imposter and to run for help. Who was that guy Oh, well, never saw HIM again.

Thoughts are funny little things,They can make paupers or make kings.