Quotes, Quotations and Sayings

Take the ideas of the masses (scattered and unsystematic ideas) and concentrate them (through study turn them into concentrated and systematic ideas), then go to the masses and propagate and explain these ideas until the masses embrace them as their own, hold fast to them and translate them into action, and test the correctness of these ideas in such action. Then once again concentrate ideas from the masses and once again go to the masses so that the ideas are persevered in and carried through. And so on, over and over again in an endless spiral, with the ideas becoming more correct, more vital and richer each time. Such is the Marxist theory of knowledge.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

You are only as old as the woman you feel.

No, Groucho is not my real name. I'm breaking it in for a friend.

How do you tell a communist Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin.

I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and _You_ come home.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Despite everybody who has been born and has died, the world has just gone on. I mean, look at Napoleon --but we went right on. Look at Harpo Marx --the world went around, it didn't stop for a second. It's sad but true. John Kennedy, right?

Shouldn't someone tag Mr Kennedy's bold new imaginative program with its proper age Under the tousled boyish haircut is still old Karl Marx-first launched a century ago. There is nothing new in the idea of a government being Big Brother.

The greatest horrors in the history of mankind are not due to the ambition of the Napoleons or the vengeance of the Agamemnons, but to the doctrinaire philosophers. The theories of the sentimentalist Rousseau inspired the integrity of the passionless Robespierre. The cold-blooded calculations of Karl Marx led to the judicial and business-like operations of the Cheka.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can't fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more that she ever did.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Woman! The peg on which the wit hangs his jest, the preacher his text, the cynic his grouch, and the sinner his justification!

Love goes out the door when money comes innuendo.

Women's liberation, if it abolishes the patriarchal family, will abolish a necessary substructure of the authoritarian state, and once that withers away Marx will have come true willy-nilly, so let's get on with it.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

I do not care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Communism, my friend, is more than Marxism, just as Catholicism is more than the Roman Curia. There is a mystique as well as a politick. Catholics and Communists have committed great crimes, but at least they have not stood aside, like an established society, and been indifferent. I would rather have blood on my hands than water like Pilate.

My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put 'Emily, I love you' on the back of the bill.

There are certain books in the world which every searcher for truth must know: the Bible, the Critique of Pure Reason, the Origin of Species, and Karl Marx's Capital.

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

The most eloquent eulogy of capitalism was made by its greatest enemy. Marx is only anti-capitalist in so far as capitalism is out of date.

The word change, so dear to our Europe, has been given a new meaning: it no longer means a new stage of coherent development (as it was understood by Vico, Hegel or Marx), but a shift from one side to another, from front to back, from the back to the left, from the left to the front (as understood by designers dreaming up the fashion for the next season).

Russian Communism is the illegitimate child of Karl Marx and Catherine the Great.

All I know is I'm not a Marxist.

Man will become immeasurably stronger, wiser, and subtler; his body will become more harmonious, his movements more rhythmic, his voice more musical. The forms of life will become dynamically dramatic. The average human type will rise to the heights of an Aristotle, a Goethe, or a Marx. And above these heights, new peaks will rise.

I am a Marxist... of the Groucho tendency.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Our movement took a grip on cowardly Marxism and from it extracted the meaning of socialism. It also took from the cowardly middle-class parties their nationalism. Throwing both into the cauldron of our way of life there emerged, as clear as a crystal, the synthesis -- German National Socialism.

Poetry is either something that lives like fire inside you --like music to the musician or Marxism to the Communist --or else it is nothing, an empty formalized bore around which pedants can endlessly drone their notes and explanations.

There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

Marxism is like a classical building that followed the Renaissance; beautiful in its way, but incapable of growth.

Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.