Quotes, Quotations and Sayings

My wife is the kind of girl who will not go anywhere without her mother, and her mother will go anywhere.

Who dares to teach must never cease to learn John Cotton Dana

If you were in a room with Kadaffi, Saddam Hussien, and John Sununu, and you only had two bullets, what would you do. Shoot John Sununu twice.

John Johnson Now this is something the other tour guides won't tell you. In this particular cell-block, Machine Gun Kelly had what we call in the prison system, a bitch. And one night in a jealous rage Kelly took a make-shift knife or shiv, and cut out the bitch's eyes. And as if this wasn't enough retribution for Kelly, the next day he and four other inmates took turns pissing into the bitch's ocular cavities. (short pause) This way to the cafeteria

Being on tour sends me crazy, I drink too much and out comes the John Mcenroe in me.

The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run.

Despite everybody who has been born and has died, the world has just gone on. I mean, look at Napoleon --but we went right on. Look at Harpo Marx --the world went around, it didn't stop for a second. It's sad but true. John Kennedy, right?

I feel like the fellow in jail who is watching his scaffold being built. (On construction of reviewing stands for inauguration of his successor John F Kennedy)

John: "Mabye you should stop taking the paint off that and take a break" Brian: "The big purple cow standing on the neon clown told me I can't!

It was a great ride up here. We're really happy to see Sergei and John.

The trouble with life is that there are so many beautiful women and so little time.

He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. [I John]

I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o clock in the morning.

Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster?;"Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?

John: "What day was it, Grandma?" Grandma Alice: "Oh you know, it was the other day before yesterday after tommorow.

Johnson's First Law: When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most inconvenient possible time.

WHERE CAN THE MATTER BE Oh, dear, where can the matter be When it's converted to energy? There is a slight loss of parity. Johnny's so long at the fair.

This is my commandment, that ye love one another. [Jesus, In John 15:12]

Look my story has been a really happy one except for that comment from John Brogden, so let's not dwell on it.

What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. -- John Ruskin

The two-party system has given this country the war of Lyndon Johnson, the Watergate of Nixon, and the incompetence of Carter. Saying we should keep the two-party system simply because it is working is like saying the Titanic voyage was a success because a few people survived on life-rafts.

Trying to call my friend John after he got home from military school: "Is John there??" "Who the hell is this!!! You think this is funny?? Don't ever call back, you little punk!!!" Apparently john's old number was now Papa John's Pizza. Oops.

-- Exclusive dedication to necessitious chores without interludes of hedonistic diversion renders John a hebetudinous fellow.

Happiness sneaks through a door you didn't know that you left open.

After [my father had] seen me in five or six things, he said, ''Son, your mother and I really enjoyed your recent film, and I must say that you're a lot like John Wayne.'' And I said, ''How so?'' And he said, ''Well, you're exactly the same in all your roles.'' Now, as a modern American actor, that's not what you want to hear. But for a guy who watched John Wayne movies and grew up in Iowa, it's a sterling compliment.

The fathers of the field had been pretty confusing: John von Neumann speculated about computers and the human brain in analogies sufficiently wild to be worthy of a medieval thinker, and Alan Turing thought about criteria to settle the question of whether machines can think, a question of which we now know that it is about as relevant as the question of whether submarines can swim.

Heller's Law: The first myth of management is that it exists. Johnson's Corollary: Nobody really knows what is going on anywhere within the organization.

We know that we have passed from death into life, because we love... [1 John 3:14]

I am thinking of taking a fifth wife. Why not? Solomon had a thousand wives and he is a synonym for wisdom.

We must uphold the promise of Roosevelt, Truman, Kennedy, Johnson, Carter, and Clinton and never allow the President and his Republican friends to threaten Social Security by putting it on the Wall Street trading block.

Let him who desires to see others happy, make haste to give while his gift can be enjoyed, and remember that every moment of delay takes away something from the value of his benefaction-Samuel Johnson

Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.

Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom thou has sent. [Jesus -- John 17:3]

A few years back I was more a candidate for skid row bum than an Emmy. If I hadn't stopped [drinking], I'd be playing handball with John Belushi right now.

America is the country where you can buy a lifetime supply of aspirin For one dollar and use it up in two weeks.

The improved American highway system isolated the American-in-transit. On his speedway he had no contact with the towns which he by-passed. If he stopped for food or gas, he was served no local fare or local fuel, but had one of Howard Johnson's nationally branded ice cream flavors, and so many gallons of Exxon. This vast ocean of superhighways was nearly as free of culture as the sea traversed by the Mayflower Pilgrims.

What's nice about my dating life is that I don't have to leave my house. All I have to do is read the paper: I'm marrying Richard Gere, dating Daniel Day-Lewis, parading around with John F. Kennedy, Jr., and even Robert De Niro was in there for a day.

Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.

If it isn't the sheriff, it's the finance company; I've got more attachments on me than a vacuum cleaner.

To John I owed great obligation; but John, unhappily, thought fit to publish it to all the nation: Sure John and I are more than quit.

You never realize how short a month is until you have to pay alimony.

People named John and Mary never divorce. For better or for worse, in madness and in saneness, they seem bound together for eternity by their rudimentary nomenclature. They may loathe and despise one another, quarrel, weep, and commit mayhem, but they are not free to divorce. Tom, Dick, and Harry can go to Reno on a whim, but nothing short of death can separate John and Mary.

A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.

I've read some of your modern free verse and wonder who set it free.

There, but for the grace of God, goes John Bradford.

Somebody said to me, ''But the Beatles were anti-materialistic.'' That's a huge myth. John and I literally used to sit down and say, ''Now, let's write a swimming pool.''

There is hardly an American male of my generation who has not at one time or another tried to master the victory cry of the great ape as it issued from the androgynous chest of Johnny Weissmuller, to the accompaniment of thousands of arms and legs snapping during attempts to swing from tree to tree in the backyards of the Republic.

Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?

Oh, great. This is going to be like shooting baskets with Magic Johnson watching. [On watching Independence Day with President Clinton]

I, John Brown, am now quite certain that the crimes of this guilty land will never be purged away but with Blood.