Quotes, Quotations and Sayings

Women would rather be right than reasonable.

Reflections on Ice-Breaking" Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker.

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.

Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for.

The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig.

I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.

The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Supplies us sausage, ham, and Bacon. Let others say his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig.

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying then without money?;"Ogden Nash

There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is enjoy earning it.

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

He without benefit of scruples His fun and money soon quadruples.

Ogden's Law: The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.

A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk.

Good wine needs no bush, and perhaps products that people really want need no hard-sell or soft-sell TV push. Why not? Look at pot.

Candy, is dandy, but Liquor, is quicker.

They take the paper and they read the headlines. So they've heard of unemployment and they've heard of bread-lines. And they philanthropically cure them all by getting up a costume charity ball.

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.

No matter how deep and dark your pit, how dank your shroud, their heads are heroically unbloody and unbowed.

Man is a victim of dope in the incurable form of hope.

A husband is a guy who tells you when you've got on too much lipstick and helps you with your girdle when your hips stick.

Here is a pen and here is a pencil, here's a typewriter, here's a stencil, here's a list of today's appointments, and all the flies in all the ointments, the daily woes that a man endures -- take them, George, they're yours!

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?

I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons.

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!

Whether elected or appointed he considers himself the Lord's anointed, and indeed the ointment lingers on him so thick you can't get your fingers on him.

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.

Indoors or out, no one relaxes in March, that month of wind and taxes, the wind will presently disappear, the taxes last us all the year.

If you are really Master of your Fate, it shouldn't make any difference to you whether Cleopatra or the Bearded Lady is your mate.

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

And one of his partners asked ''Has he vertigo?'' and the other glanced out and down and said ''Oh no, only about ten feet more.''

The further through life I drift the more obvious it becomes that I am lacking in thrift.

Your hair may be brushed, but your mind's untidy. You've had about seven hours of sleep since Friday. No wonder you feel that lost sensation. You're sunk from a riot of relaxation.

If you don't want to work, you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher, Were each of them once a kiddie. A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature. Do I want one? God Forbiddie!

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex. I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.

I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.